Choices Choices Choices

“Once You have experienced a thrashing and failure – even if it’s self-imposed – You have a choice; You can let it be the end of You or You can fight to come back.” – Joaquin Phoenix
I don’t know about you but I have experienced a thrashing and failure by my own hand and the hand of others.  I usually give myself a wallow period, sometimes its 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 hours.  I give myself that time to digest my circumstances and put it into perspective for my reality.  It sucks, I can’t think of a time that it didn’t suck.  Going through the hard stuff is exhausting and hopefully, humbling.  The hard stuff is particularly gruelling when it is what you have created by way of crappy choices.  So in essence the wallow period should also shine a light on some lessons. 
I know that life will provide a continuous string of challenges for me.  I am not immune to the crappiness of people or the unfairness of life in general.  I am witness to cruel behaviour and judgement just as much as you are; and just as often I do nothing or I join in.  I am well aware of moments when I’m driven by ego or insecurity that result in making bad decisions.  I am equally aware of when I give up.  Sometimes I ignore it and sometimes I get mad.  The anger is because I know I can do better, the avoidance is for the same reason. 
But all of that is about choices, I choose to wallow, I choose to make a bad decision, I choose to not say anything when someone is being a bully, I choose to yell at that person in the car driving 10km under the speed limit, I choose to not appreciate my ability to walk or climb or complain.  I choose, I choose, I choose…
What if we choose to be more conscious?  Conscious of our behaviours and the impact of our behaviours.  What if we choose to see the brokenness of people who choose to hurt us instead of choosing frustration and anger and retaliation?  What if we choose to be humble?  What if we choose to be the example of acceptance and forgiveness?  What if we choose to be mature in our emotions?  What if…
I have had a very busy 2014 so far, and today, well, I feel tired and mentally spent.  I feel like I’m not winning.  And I like to win.  Maybe it’s the winter, which is longer and colder than any other year in my lifetime, and at 43 that’s substantial.  Maybe I haven’t made good choices to keep myself centred or balanced.  Maybe busy is a choice? 
Joaquin Phoenix I suspect, has some real wisdom gleaned from real hardship and confusion.  I read his quote when I can feel my desire to be beat is based on a tired mind.  I read it because it motivates me to choose better.  And when I choose better, I feel better.  And I like to feel better.
So what are you going to choose?

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